im drinking this country out of the recession.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
