i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
