: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
