Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
