No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
