Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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