i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
