Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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