I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
