Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
