I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
