Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the day after is always just damage control
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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