just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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