I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize