Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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