So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
