my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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