he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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