God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
whose parrot is this?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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