I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize
