the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
