its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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