i think my tv is drunk
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
