had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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