So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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