We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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