Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
