I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
