I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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