I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize