i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
