Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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