one might say we're banned from that church
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
