So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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