if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
