i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hippo gnu deer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
In other news, I just burned my penis
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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