So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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