Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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