just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
