If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
