she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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