She is in my trunk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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