i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
