What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
