Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
