so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
