There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it glows. i had to have it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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