Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry julgabparent hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(330): View more from Ohio

so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.

Fav 62 2515 925
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag

Fav 10 1297 2936
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(609): View more from New Jersey

shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.

Fav 16 5290 1160
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

running late. just ran over a dude on a bike

Fav 52 2500 8519
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

how was last night?

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

Fav 32 6694 3466
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.

Fav 22 9821 1544
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(417): View more from Missouri

I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

(479): View more from Arkansas

I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

Fav 10 6347 1203
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(636): View more from Missouri

So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.

Fav 3 1432 659
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.

Fav 4 471 639
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT