What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
