i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My cat gives me a boner
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
