I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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