We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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