It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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