I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
