Don't make out with my wife yet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
