Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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