how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
