RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize