Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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