i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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