Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize