I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
