so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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