we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
