I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
