Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize