i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
