I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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