Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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