i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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