So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
